Memories

As humans, we spend our entire lives building a life of memories. To look back on them someday with pride, joy and sometimes regret is an honor and a privilege. Special moments that sustain us in hard times sit alongside difficult ones we may choose to forget. We celebrate firsts and lasts of all sorts – birthdays and anniversaries, promotions and retirements, holidays and yes, the passing of our most beloved. Our entire lives are chronicled by these moments and the memories they create. Some are simple moments, like a child’s birthday party, or school field trip. A walk in the rain or a drive around the lake can be a forever memory too. All memories are not created equal by any means. But we find joy, angst and love here and there for future pondering. It is one of the precious things that make us human – remembering. 

Update

I haven’t written a newsletter in nearly a year for my creative business Repertoire Art & Design. Although I thought about writing to my followers many times, I just felt quietly muted by a sustainable moment of reflection about my mom and my life. It has been more like there was too much to say, rather than not enough to put into words. The fear that once I began, I couldn’t stop. So i paused for a time and let that choice be a comforting place of healing. It has been. 

As I reflected recently on that period a year ago, my thoughts have begun trending inside myself more and more. Not out of sorrow and sadness, but out of honor and reflection on my love and appreciation for the relationship I had with her. Gratitude for the opportunity to spend time with my mom reading and visiting, sharing and reminiscing those last weeks. Feeling that time was short then, but also aware that no amount of time would ever be enough. Every day with her was a gift I gave myself. 

Now that the anniversary of her passing is here, and the fall and winter holidays are on the horizon, I am pausing to appreciate the tender memories of a lifetime with her and of us as mother and daughter. This remembering is a lasting gift I offer myself daily, but especially poignant this week as I remember her life and her passing. She gave me so many memories to choose from; some funny, some warm and loving, some serious. But all worth remembering. Now I have a lifetime of memories with her to treasure highlighting a lovely human and one of the best mamas ever. 

Muses

If you follow me, you know I have written before about my muses: my grandmother, Mabel whose birthday was this week, my mom, Faye (who I miss each and every day) and my daughter Annie (recently back from adventures in Alaska!). My muses are mostly women – sisters, girlfriends, extended family and my artist friends and colleagues. My French Collection collaborators go by the name The Three Muses. I have another group of friends called the OWLS (older women learning stuff) and a yoga kula that hasn’t given up on me returning to group practice someday. Thank you for your grace. I am a lucky woman to be surrounded by such wise and loving women and I know that. 

So although my love for the men in my life are equally valued, I find, as most women, a wellspring of inspiration for my creativity from the other women in my life. Friends, daughters and sisters especially so. My mom was not only a supporter of all things artistic and creative, but a trailblazer in my eyes as a child and young adult for her wit and her own passion for words. She inspired me to be more and do more. She was curious; a great writer, photographer and storyteller; a muse of the best sort living her life quietly but enthusiastically. 

Today I write outside of the formal eulogy of last year about her in abstract instead, heartfelt words come easily, describing her as my peer, my muse and my friend. She will live forever in my heart, but also in my work as an artist and writer as well as setting a standard for all her knew her as a light in the darkness of unfairness, shame, and despair. She lit the way for me again and again. As I know she did for others. 

Love and Light

So today, rather than share those memories as stories, I share the challenge for all of you to light your way with memories of those you have loved and lost. Instead of mourning her passing, I celebrate her memory by remembering to share love and light to those around me. By honoring you, I honor her. 

Cheers to life and love. Cheers to being more and doing better. Cheers to happiness and peace. Cheers to creating memories ourselves that are passed on to future generations as stories worth living and worth telling. Cheers to the strength of women in the way we support each other and the way we fight for what is good and true in the world. 

I love you Mama Faye. Thanks for the memories. 

Your first muse, 

Cindi